What is it about change that makes us so uneasy? Is it the fear of the unknown? Is it that we doubt our truth, the wisdom of our hearts? Yet how can our truth be wrong? Is it that the path we are choosing may initially be more challenging, less financially secure, less material and yet at the same time more real, more authentic?
These are the questions that I have been struggling with for about a week or more now. In the struggling I have been blocked from be able to write and express myself. Like I have heard it said emotions destroy intelligence. I trust the wisdom of my heart and what it has been telling me because it has been telling me the same thing for years and I have chosen to ignore and disregard my truth. I have hesitated and decided that I can’t / won’t change yet only to find that a year or two or even five years down the road I am faced with the same facts, the same truth, my truth. I can no longer do this.
So many variables and unknowns are causing me to doubt myself and yet I know my truth. What causes this doubt? Is it insecurities, lack of faith or just plain fear? We all experience these times in our lives when we face very difficult decisions and many of us are too paralyzed by fear to move through the sometimes turbulent waters of change. So we stay stuck. In a relationship, a living situation, a job, a city and the list goes on and on only to find out 10 years down the road, we are still unhappy and our hearts are still calling us to listen to its wisdom. How can we continue to disregard and live a life that isn’t fulfilling?
Is it selfish to follow your heart even if it means others are going to be hurt by your choices? Or is it more hurtful to continue to live an in a place where you are just going through the motions and so you continue at the expense of your truth? Your light dims a bit more with each passing day. Your heart breaks a wee bit more.
Some questions that we should ask ourselves as we are on the cusp of big changes are:
What do I deserve?
Am I willing to settle for less then I deserve?
How can I move through this challenging time with grace and integrity?
We all deserve to live a life filled with love, joy and happiness. Considering that these feelings originate within does it really matter who we share our life with or where we work or live? Of course it does. It is wonderful to be able to love yourself and understand that happiness is an inside job yet isn’t it also wonderful to share these gifts with others and experience the joy in giving and receiving love. Many of us are great at giving and yet in the giving we can become resentful when we are not receiving anything in return. Whether it is our partner who is not showing us love and affection the way we think they should or the employer who doesn’t show us that we are appreciated. Remaining complacent in these situations creates a feeling of lacking. Like we are missing out on something. Yet if many of us took the time to look inside we would find that we have the answers to what we are missing. The answers are in the heart. That beating muscle inside of our chest. The one constant from the being of our journey here in the lifetime.
Change is also a constant. Change is mandatory, growth is optional. Without growth life is stagnant, dull, full of the same experiences time and time again with only the players changing. Often times we think that by changing where we live, who we are in relationship with our where we work will solve the problem. Most of us though fail to recognize the real problem. Us. We are usually the ones that need to change. Wherever we go we take ourselves with us and unless we are able to figure out that we are always the common denominator nothing will ever change. We will continue to have the same experiences time and time again.
IF NOTHING CHANGES, NOTHING CHANGES!!
For many of us it is our ego and fears that keep us stuck. We are unable to see that which is holding us back. In the 3rd step prayer in AA there is a line that says “relieve me of the bondage of self”. I remember when I first really heard it. What an “aha” moment that was for an insecure, selfish girl like me. I had always been my biggest stumbling block. It had been easy for me and it had become second nature for me to point my fingers and blame others for my issues. Trouble was that every time I was pointing at someone else there were three fingers pointing back at me. Maybe my trouble wasn’t really all of the things that had happened to me. Maybe the real issue was how I reacted to what had happened to me. I had in many ways become hardened and rigid in my thinking and my actions were often selfish and self-righteous. I was right and everyone else was wrong.
Today after spending many years doing my work (and sometimes the work of
What will we find?
Who will we become?
I think what most of us find is that we are not as horrible as we have made ourselves out to be. The world is not really such a terrible place and most of the people in it are just like us. Doing the very best they can today. We are a society of the walking wounded and most of us are really afraid to share ourselves with others. Our hurts may be a sign of weakness we think. Our behaviours, unforgivable. Seriously? We really need to get over ourselves because it is only by sharing ourselves with others that we become free. Only then are the wheels set in motion for lasting change. We will find that the journey inward will be the most rewarding ones we will ever take. Oh yes, it will be incredibly painful at times, almost unbearable we think. At these times we must be gentle, kind and loving to ourselves. Cry, scream or whatever we must do in order to see and feel all that we need to. Then we must take the necessary action to facilitate change.
We all have the power to change our lives if only we are able to believe.
Believe first in yourself and more importantly in something greater then yourself. Many of us struggle with the word God because of things we were taught or told about God. I like to thing of the word God as standing for – GOOD ORDERLY DIRECTION. That should be palatable for most and if it is not please just find something that works for you. We were all born into this life to bring our individual gifts to the world. We all have gifts and talents to offer. Most of us just need to figure out what they are and once we figure that out we then need out there and share our love and passion with others.
Let your light shine. Don’t be afraid. That is what you are here for. When we are able to tap into the wisdom of our hearts anything absolutely anything is possible. We will be able to more willing to see the things about ourselves that we need to work on. HINT: If something bothers you about someone else chances are it is one of your very own flaws – defects if you wish staring you in the face. Stop pointing fingers. Stop justifying. Stop looking outward for your answers. Everything you seek, all of your answers, they are all inside of your heart.
Have a look and journey inward. Trust me it will be the most rewarding journey you will every take. Trust the wisdom of your heart it will lead you to the life you were born to live. It will lead you home. Take the time you need to, in order to get to know the authentic you. Without a doubt you will be pleasantly surprised. As Gandhi said……”BE THE CHANGE YOU WISH TO SEE IN TH WORLD.”
See it. Feel it. Forgive yourself and move on. Growth is waiting for you on the other side of change. Take the leap. You can do it and you are worth it. Just believe. Namaste
AFFIRMATION: I CLEARLY SEE MYSELF AS THE LOVABLE, WORTHWHILE CHILD OF GOD THAT I AM. I AM SAFE. ALL IS WELL.
Love & light,
Lisa
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